Whats Going on??????

I am not going through an easy time in my life. Not gonna Lie, life is hard a stressful. Yea school is done for the summer, but that doesn't mean that life is all-of-the-sudden better. But for some reason, i am alright now. There is a huge chance that i am going to fail-out if state. I didn't do so well this past year and now i am receiving the consequences. I may be on academic probation for another semester, which I would actually be alright with because I know that i will be alright. But if I cant go here anymore that hurts a lot more... no school, no ADX, really no more of this good life. Thats really scary to me, the potential of losing all these girls in my life who have helped me so much this past year. And besides school there is still i$$ues and family drama. But, Despite all this stress and potential heartache, I am alright. I know GOD has a perfect plan for me. whether if it is staying here or not. and i know that even if i can't be in ADX they will still be my friends. GOD has assured me not to worry about school, he knows what needs to be done and where I am going. I trust him completely and I know i will be ok. The end.

What Time Is It?....

SUMMERTIME! Yay! finals are done and summer is here! Praise GOD! these three months have been long awaited. have a great summer! peace out!!

letting go

If it isn't enough that its finals week and i am getting sick. but i just received the news that my great-grandma died. we weren't super-duper close, but close enough for this to really hurt. i know she was old and lived a good life, but i don't think we are really ever ready to let go of people.
i am recently realizing that it is hard for me to let go of things. when something happens, i tend to hold on to it and not move on. something that i am learning is that i need to live more in the moment, that sounds wrong. what i mean is i need to enjoy things while they are happening and not hold on and wish they were still happening. i know i do this out of fear. i am scared of the future and what is going to happen in my life, so i live on the hope that it is just my past re-happening so i can control it. I need to just let go. Let go of the past, let go of the past hurts and past happiness. it does not benefit me or anyone else to hold on. i know when i do let go, GOD is there i don't need to hold on to all these things and i know it, it is a good realization, but now i just need to actually do it. the end.

Life is a RollerCoaster...full of ups and downs.

Its true there are really easy and fun times (highs) but then there are extremely hard times that we go through (lows). But there are also these awkward points where you don't know which way you are going. It is hard work getting to the high and happy points. why is it so easy to fall into the tough times? it seems like once one bad thing happens more bad things seem to follow. I recently fell far down on a steep down, i sat at the bottom for a while. Then it seemed like i was working my way back up, but the further I go up, i still fall back a little, its like i take one step forward and two steps back. but it is good i am moving forward again. Every time this happens in my life, it gets easier. Now i know that when i turn to GOD and keep him in the center of my life, I know i will make it through. So even though i am having some minor set backs, i know in the end i will make it. THE END!

something good that recently happened: Burton is now my Big Bro. YAY!

Broken...

Yesterday was a hard day. Going along through the day i just felt so attacked. Not attacked by the people who were saying things, but by el diablo. It felt like every sore-spot in my life was brought up and attacked. Things of the present and things of the past. Painful memories came back to me. I tried to ignore it, but i couldn't stop thinking about it. I talked about it, it helped a little. I tried to sleep it off, but i couldn't sleep. Then, came my breakdown. sometimes just crying and listening to the words of a really good friend can help a lot. I realized that sometimes GOD lets us get knocked down just so he can pick us up and comfort us. it is nice to know that GOD wants to be there and loves us so much. But getting to that point is really hard, because the feeling of being completely broken is not a good feeling. But sometimes it needs to happen in order to grow. the end

Caffefine...

You know that time at the end of the year when everybody is crazy with making new year resolutions like "im gonna exercise everyday!" or "im gonna eat healthy!". Most people last about two weeks, a month if they are lucky. Well this past 07 new years, i decided to give up soda for 2008. no big deal right? well i have come to realize that i was addicted to that stuff. The first few weeks were good, but then i really missed it, but i never gave in. Now, here it is five months later and i am definitely feeling the effect. Soda gave me the only caffeine that made me stay awake and not tired. Now i am noticing that i need it because i am so tired. but i cant give up, i have made it so far. i have started drinking coffee to fill the caffeine void, but coffee has a strange effect on me, just ask one of the few people who have seen me haha. but yea i dont know what to do anymore i am always super tired and i fall asleep all the time. the end