Wake me up!!!

Its not hard to tell that I have had a rough couple of months. As I sit here day after day, night after night, going on facebook and doing myspace surveys, I wonder to myself what the heck happened? I was doing so good, I was in College, living with friends, in control of my own life. Now, no school, no job, and frankly my grandma runs my life. Sometimes, most of the time, I get so sad I feel so low that I just say God wake me up from this nightmare! Because this can not possibly be my life. How Did I let this happen to myself? WHAT EVEN HAPPENED? Where did I make a wrong turn? and when and where can I make a U-turn and go back to my real life? what am i supposed to do now? where am i headed? so many questions and no answers! God help me! I want my productive life back!!!
-Venda

Puppets.

I have recently come to realize that when we attend concerts, any type... we become the puppets of the people on stage. Its true, you do it, I do it, your mom and dad do it. We do whatever they tell us to, no matter how ridiculous it is... don't deny it! they say "jump!" and you do, they tell us to repeat something, and we do. I don't understand why... but the most curious thing to me is that we do it without questioning it or thinking twice... they just say it and we immediately do it. Wouldn't that be great if we did that with GOD? i mean GOD tells us to do something and instead of immediately going to action, we think twice (or more) and ask about it. we do have free will, its true that GOD gave it to us so we wouldn't be puppets, but why is it that we use it on GOD's commands, but not the people on stage? think about it...

life update.

Mylife has been a little ruff lately, not gonna lie. I got Kicked out of SDSU for bad grades, I had to move out of ADX because I have no money, and I can't go to school this semester because I have no money, and because of moving, i can no longer attend flood because it is too far for a person with no car. But, despite everything that is going wrong, GOD is still here and things are actually ok. I am living with my Grandma in Chula Vista, ao that means occasional car usage to visit the people I love. and I have better job opportunities. I also found a local church here that i really like.
Pray for me :)
<3 Venda 125D

Self Discovery

Sometimes life seems just peachy, maybe that is the time to look inside yourself and find out things about you that even you didn't know!Thats what happened to me... kinda. Actually I wasn't looking, it just sort of hit me, unexpectedly. I found out things about myself that I am still trying to fully comprehend. The tings I now know are hard, but I know God knew I was ready. If this had been revealed to me this time last year, I would have freaked out and died. (not really but you know what I mean.). I now realize that I have to know these things in order to move on in my life, no matter how hard it is. Well, Im not very good at ending these things. Until next time.

All at once.

Several things seem to be happening all at once in my life right now. Some are bad and some are hard, and still others are just change I'm not really read for. I feel like I am going through all of this and I am doing it alone. That is probably the hardest part. I feel like there is no one I can talk to and seek help from. I feel like no one is really listening or no one really cares. Its like the people (or person) who I am supposed to go to and want to go to, isn't here. I know my problems are insignificant, especially compared to those of some other people. But I wish there was someone that could help me. Someone who actually cared and didn't pretend.

The Break is over... At least it should be...

This past semester I grew so much and got so much better at spending quality time with GOD. Then, summer came... I guess I automatically thought a break from school = a break from GOD. Since summer started I think I have had GOD time once... not good. And its not like I don't have the time, I do nothing all day. Ha. No wonder everything seems to be going wrong in my life. I know that when I spend the time with him, he is there for me, but when I ignore him, how can I expect him to help me? Well, thats it! I am tired of this constant bad feeling and everything in my life going wrong. Its time to spend time with GOD.
I am sorry GOD for neglecting our time together. I am coming back to you!

Until next time...

Hurt

Does God put us in pain and hurt us to teach us stuff? or do we put ourselves through it, when the lesson can be learned an easier way? I hate feeling the way I do. I feel like maybe I am setting myself up for what keeps happening. I think I am making it better and that things are going to change, but they never do, and Just end up being disappointed and hurt... again. I'm tired of feeling like this, but I know if I try to stop it for good, there is someone else who would be hurt. Even tho they continually hurt me, I don't want to make anyone feel this bad. If they only knew how I feel, then maybe it would get better. I have told them before but maybe this time will work. Kind of like third time is the charm... maybe, Ill just have to do it and find out, but if I get hurt again, maybe its over...